The Fine Art of Giving

Ralph is all excited. When his poor wife Lisa comes home after a hard day's work in the office, he enters the living room beaming. "Happy birthday, darling!" he exclaims while thrusting the neatly packed gift at her. Momentarily delighted as she quickly unwraps the package, Lisa murmurs, "Oh, Ralph, I thought you'd forget my birthday again this year. Gee, thanks, sweet...." Her voice trails off as she lifts the cover of the box to disclose its contents: steak knives. Ralph, still beaming, then pulls the trigger of the rifle aimed at his own foot: "I bought some steaks, so you can use your new birthday gift to get us dinner ready!"
Most women, of course, would use the new knives on Ralph, not the steaks. What did poor Ralph do wrong? He certainly meant well. He noted his wife's birthday carefully, sacrificed time and money to buy a gift on time, and even had the box gift-wrapped. Where did he go wrong? Long before Ralph bought the knives, he should have paid more attention to those things Lisa expressed or showed an interest in. While walking or shopping, many people notice things that obviously interest them; this is the time to make a mental note of what those items are for future purchase. While talking, too, many people reveal "wish list" items they dream of having. Noting these items and turning them into gifts at a later time, whether for Christmas, birthday, anniversary, graduation, or any other important occasion, distinguishes just another item on a shelf in a department store or in a catalogue from "the perfect gift."
Gifts do not have to be objects. Doing house chores for parents or spouses which normally are "theirs," taking someone out on the town or wheeling an invalid around the block, or taking the time and effort to create one's own personalized handicraft can bring smiles as wide as those aroused by the giving of expensive presents. Many a child would prefer to have an afternoon at the cinema and an evening in their favorite restaurant with Dad than another of his expensive gifts, some with the price tag still on them! Many parents would rather happily settle for a full day with their children at home or on a picnic than with a mailed check or "Happy Birthday" greeting on their answering machine. Perhaps the expression "Time is money" really is true: time spent with those whom we do not often see is indeed precious. Sacrificing time from one's busy schedule to give to another is often more meaningful than a pricy gift from an upscale department store.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with buying gifts. Everyone has needs, including material needs. Close friends or family members often know what their loved ones need even before they do! Few compliments can make us happier than "You always know what to give me." For those who never seem to know what to prepare for others but who would like to learn, observing the successful giving of gifts to others is as good a place to start as any. In any class, family, or crowd, someone always seems to know the right gift to give at the right time. Making mental notes of these occasions and then writing them down in a special notebook can make the difference between a future present well-received and one politely accepted.
Still, only a social incompetent would criticize or refuse a gift from another. Being gracious even in disappointment is a sign of good manners. Besides, a gift is an expression of thoughtfulness and a token of love. We should never question the judgment of the donor; instead, as we say in English, "It's the thought that counts." Learning to appreciate whatever little surprises life prepares for us is a sure sign of maturity and poise. When the giving of symbols of our appreciation and love to others becomes an art form to the giver, these profound words can be understood: "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

雷夫兴奋极了。他可怜的妻子莉萨在公司辛苦了一天回到家时，雷夫就脸上带着微笑走进了客厅。他忙不迭地把包得漂漂亮亮的礼物递给爱妻，同时高亢地说道：“亲爱的，祝妳生日快乐！”她匆匆拆开礼物，剎那间高兴起来，喃喃地说道：“哦，雷夫，我还以为今年你又会把我的生日给忘了呢。哦，谢谢你亲……”她把盒盖打开来看看到底里面装得是什么礼物：居然是一组切牛排的刀子，这时她的话也静止了下来。雷夫脸上仍然带着微笑，自讨没趣的说道：“我买了一些牛排，所以你可以用你这次新的生日礼物为我们准备一顿晚餐。”
当然，大多数女人会把刀子用在雷夫身上而不是用在切牛排上。可怜的雷夫到底做错了什么呢？他原本当然是好意的。他小心地记住了太太的生日，花费时间和金钱准时买了礼物，甚至还把刀组盒包成礼品。他哪里出了差错呢？早在雷夫买下这组牛排刀前，就应多留意一下莉萨曾表示过中意的东西。许多人逛街购物时，会注意到自己明显感兴趣的东西；也就是在这个时候，我们心中就要记下这些东西，将来再买下来。同样地，很多人在谈话时也会透露自己梦寐以求的东西。把这些东西记下来，以后在圣诞节、生日、结婚周年纪念、毕业典礼，或者是其它重要场合买下来当礼物送给对方，这样的作法将使原本只不过是百货公司货架上或目录上的一件商品变成“完美的礼物”。
礼物不一定要是对象。帮父母或配偶做通常是属于“他们的”家事、带某人上街、帮残疾者推轮椅到街区绕一绕，或者是花点时间和心思做一些具有个人特色的手工艺品送人也可以带给对方欢笑，这种欢笑跟对方收到名贵礼物时所发出的欢笑是一样灿烂的。不少小孩宁可在下午跟爸爸看场电影或是在晚上跟爸爸在餐厅用餐而不愿接到一份他送的贵重礼物，有些礼物甚至还有价目条在上面呢！很多父母宁可整天与孩子在家欢聚一天或者出外野餐也不愿收到儿女寄来的支票或是电话录音机上的一句“生日快乐”的问候话。或许“时间就是金钱”这句话是千真万确的：花点时间陪陪我们难得见面的亲友，确实是每一刻都很珍贵。从繁忙的日程表中牺牲一些时间来陪陪别人要比在高级的百货公司中买贵重礼物送人有意义多了。
当然，买礼物并没错。每个人都有需求，包括物质上的需求。好友与家人要比他们挚爱的人更清楚了解他们的所需！所有的赞美言词没有几句话要比这句更令我们开心了：“你总是知道要送什么东西给我。”对那些似乎永远不知道该准备什么礼物给别人但是却愿意学习的人来说，观察别人如何成功的送礼给对方是最好的学习起点。在任何班级、家庭或者群体中，似乎总有人懂得在适当的时机送适当的礼物。心中暗记这些场合并用特别的笔记本记下来，这关系着你未来送礼时，对方是否会很乐意接受或只是礼貌性的收下来而已。
当然，只有不懂社交的人才会批评或拒绝对方的礼物。在失望中仍流露出落落大方的风范是有风度的表现。何况，礼物是一种体贴和爱的象征。我们千万不可质疑送礼者的判断力；相反地，诚如英文的一句话：“心意才是最重要的。”学会感激生活所带给我们的小惊奇是一种成熟和稳健的表现。我们若愿将那些代表我们的感激及爱的东西赠与对方，而这种赠与也成了施舍者的一种艺术时，就能深深体会到这句深奥的话：“给予比收受更有福。”